The Words given by A Parent That Rescued Me as a New Father

"I think I was just just surviving for a year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the actual experience quickly proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her main carer while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You need support. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more comfortable discussing the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a wider inability to talk between men, who often internalise harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a show of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a pause - taking a short trip overseas, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "poor choices" when in his youth to change how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, staying active and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the best way you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my job is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."